Not literal crap. No thank you. But soda, and candy. And too much food in general. Why do I crave that stuff?
Today I'm wearing a skirt I usually wear a lot, but I just happened to have left it in a bag of clothes that I haven't really looked through since I moved out of my apartment, so I haven't worn it since April. It's noticeably looser, which makes me really happy and gives me more motivation. And yet, even with this extra motivation, I just want to drink soda or a frappucino or something. The way I usually combat this dumb urge is to drink a giant amount of water, but today I rushed out of the house with all my stuff for the day and forgot my water bottle, which is dangerous.
It's even harder to fight the battle of overeating. To stop not when you are full, but when you're no longer hungry. Why do I feel the need to keep eating, like if I don't finish every last bite, I'll never get to eat again? I have a problem. I don't understand the compulsion to eat something if it's there, regardless of my level of hunger or even the tastiness of the food. For example, I'm not really a fan of pretzels, but if there's a bowl of pretzels sitting out at a party or someone's house, I will eat them, just because they're there. It's automatic. I don't even think about it! When I do think about it, I know that I don't want pretzels, and I don't eat them. I need to constantly be aware of the food around me and make a conscious decision not to eat it. But I don't want to think about it! I want to automatically NOT eat everything I see.
It's funny to me that this culture is so obsessed with skinniness, and yet, every restaurant has huge portions. So it turns into a show of self control, of which I have very little in the food department. I hate that this is an issue for me. And I hate being fat, so you'd think it would be easy for me to refrain from eating more than I need, but it's not. It is a battle I face daily, and some days are easier than others, but it's always there.