Monday, October 1, 2018
So I still get that red face when I work out today, no matter how good or bad of shape I'm in. It has nothing to do with being close to heat stroke and death, so there's no longer any need for my mom to freak out, but it sure isn't attractive. I would love to look glowy and beautiful when I work out, but I'm pretty sure I just look like I'm in labor every time. Super confidence-boosting.
Maybe I shouldn't care anymore. I am married now, after all, and my husband thinks I'm gorgeous us and/or adorable no matter what I do. And that's the best feeling ever, and one that I waited a loooooooong time for. One I thought for years I would never experience, and one that I wish for every woman (and man, for that matter!).
But it's nice to feel confident in how I look, and a red face simply isn't my top choice in glamour. I took this photo just now. The redness has faded quite a bit, but I got home from the gym TWO HOURS ago!
Oh, but hey... did I mention I went to the gym tonight? So the awesome red face is worth it. Since my last post, I've gained a Monday night gym buddy, and we've gone to a yoga class together three times. I like that instead of saying, "oh yeah! Let's meet at the gym sometimes," we committed to a certain class on a specific night. Having a class to be there for keeps us going more consistently.
And also, it's disheartening because it's showing me just how out of shape I am. It's good to have that as a starting point though, and I want to remember that feeling, because even in three weeks with only a little effort, I've made progress. I did better in class tonight than I have the previous two weeks, and I'm looking forward to the day that my stomach isn't in the way and I don't fall over during balance poses, and my body can move with more ease.
I feel like I should be doing more to lose weight, but I know that taking my puppy for walks and doing this yoga class are a pretty good start. I have a busy schedule and it's hard to fit in workouts, so I'm starting small, and I'll add things in as I go along. Maybe it's just time to embrace that red face.
Tuesday, August 21, 2018
I lost a bunch of weight and documented here for all to be motivated by. It held me accountable. I loved it. I got down to 215 pounds.
In 2013 I started working at a veterinarian office with pretty endless sweets on the weekends. At first I resisted, but it started to get me.
In 2014 I quit trying altogether in favor of grief eating. I gained a ton of weight back.
In 2016 my then-fiance and I were on a reality weight-loss show and I gained a bunch of muscle and lost a lot of fat before our wedding.
The first year of marriage was very stressful and I once again abandoned all progress to deal the way I know I shouldn't but I do anyway: stress-eating.
And I'm back to 271 pounds, and I feel gross and my body moves like an old woman, and I don't like how I look in anything, and I'm just uncomfortable all the time.
Tim has had so much self-control in the last month or so, and he lost 18 pounds in the weeks before we went to South Africa in the beginning of August. He gained 5 back while we were there, but I was pleasantly surprised to find that I had actually lost a few pounds! I've been having a hard time coming up with any motivation to really put in the effort to lose weight again, but something in seeing no weight gain on a trip I thought had certainly added more pounds gave me that little kick I needed!
Tim and I have been going to bed early (10pm), and this morning I woke up at 6. I *almost* got out of bed and went to the gym, but I decided to be lazy. I don't know why, other than just bad habits and self-sabotage, but I made up for it tonight when we were trying to come up with something to do before bed that wouldn't keep us up until midnight, because we're really trying to stay on this new schedule and start getting enough sleep.
Tim had suggested going to a movie earlier in the day, but I vetoed that idea when I realized we would go to bed after midnight for a movie I didn't even care about. T-Mobile Tuesday was giving us $2 apiece for Baskin Robbins, but I nixed that idea because last time we did that, Tim was mad at himself afterward for eating ice cream and sabotaging himself. So I suggested a walk.
We took 20 minutes to walk around our block, which is 1.09 miles if you include one cul-de-sac, which we did. We are committing to walking together 5 evenings a week, and I'm really looking forward to some consistency. My gym workouts have been few and far between lately.
I'm feeling motivated, but even if the motivation goes away, I am committing to this. To myself. To my husband and our future children. To my life.
|After our walk tonight|
Sunday, June 12, 2016
Also, I'm super out of shape so I'm a little bit afraid of this hike, since I don't know what it holds. Is it crazy terrain? Is it super steep? Does it lead to the den of a hungry mountain lion waiting to devour whatever out of shape fool wanders near? I have no clue.
I think what I want more than anything is to just be able to go climb up that mountain like it's not a big deal. I don't want hills and hiking to get in the way of my life. I want to be able to hike down into the hills of Embo in South Africa and take pictures of the people in their homes and in their poverty and not worry about spraining my ankles or breaking any bones or not being able to climb back out.
So the other day I was coming home from going on a walk with my friend Tracy, and I didn't feel like I had gotten enough of a workout. I was passing the hiking trail and I decided that I was just gonna go for it. I was already dressed for it, which is half the battle, and I was right there. It was time.
I started out on the trail and was relieved to find out that it's broad and pretty level. Not tons of loose rocks, although there was plenty of loose horse poo and pretty little bursts of flowers/weeds, none of which I wanted to step on.
I decided to hike uphill for a mile, and then simultaneously regretted my decision (mostly because I had to go to the bathroom) and determined to see it through (and prayed that God would put a hold on my need for a toilet.)
This was about halfway into my uphill mile.
I may look uncertain, but I was happy to be there, and the views were totally worth it.
Here I am at exactly one mile up, with the sun and the hardest work behind me.
It's embarrassing that this easy of a hike is difficult for me. When Tim and I have kids, I want to be able to go on hikes like this as a family. I want to lead by example and not just "shoulds." I want to establish habits of a healthy lifestyle from the get go, and that needs to start now. Time to get serious about this climb.
Tuesday, May 24, 2016
Last weekend, Rocio and I braved the early early early early morning and headed to Dodger Stadium, where we fogged (fake jogged... it's totally a real thing) our way through a 3.1 mile course dotted with five stations of colored cornstarch that transformed our white shirts into a mash-up of different hues.
And this time there were hills.
The first two color runs we did were completely flat courses, but not Dodger Stadium. Straight out of the gate, we were headed uphill, and my already unimpressive endurance was cut down dramatically by the onslaught of a mountain tall enough to intimidate even the hikiest of hikers. Okay, that might be a little bit of an exaggeration. Or maybe even entirely false. Okay, so really it's just a normal hill, not even as steep as my driveway (which is crazy steep, for the record.), but when I get winded walking up hills, you can bet that running sure isn't gonna happen.
And then, once we had gone downhill for a little bit, there were all these switchbacks, making us go back up. So I just stuck to the fogging on the downhill segments and trudged my way up on the
Since there had to be hills, I was extra grateful for the clouds that made the sun less brutal. Our first color run was miserably hot. I would do hills with cloud cover over a straight course in mid-afternoon under an unrelenting sun any day!
Oh, and I've lost 5 pounds since my last blog post. HALLELUJAH!
I WILL fully run a 5K soon.
Friday, April 29, 2016
It turns out that I cope poorly with grief, and while dealing with the loss of my closest uncle last year, I gained 30 pounds. Previous to that, I had put 20 pounds back on when my life got ultra busy and I was working at a place that bombarded me with food and lured my inner glutton out of hiding every single weekend.
You can imagine how defeated I feel, losing almost half of the progress I made before. But if I sit around lamenting the current state of my body and wallowing in self-pity, nothing will ever improve. Instead of talking about how much better I used to feel and look, I'm gonna get up and take myself back to that place. If I lose a mere two pounds each week for the next 26 weeks until my wedding, I will be back at my lowest weight in the losing process. Then I'll have to have that dress altered to be quite a bit smaller.
Here are some things I realize that are different about me from the last time I weighed what I do now:
1) I actually really like myself.
2) I even like and appreciate my body, regardless of the fact that it's not in the shape I want it to be.
3) There is no pressure to change myself so that any guy will be attracted to me. I scored the best man while I was much fatter than I would like to be, and he's attracted to me even now.
4) I've lost weight before and I know what my body is capable of.
5) I know that I like to exercise and eat healthfully.
This time I believe that I deserve to look great. I know that I'm worth it. I don't feel bad putting myself first anymore. I am worthy of the love I have from Tim, and I am worth the effort it takes to get healthy again.
With those things in mind, there's nothing stopping me from conquering this new challenge.
And here are the pictures I'm using for my "before" pictures. Stay tuned for the journey!
Tuesday, September 8, 2015
I mean, I have been consciously trying to be better at healthful eating, but I haven't been working out, and that's what usually keeps me on track. I have been crazy busy, though.
For the second half of July and the first half of August, I was moving out of my apartment and into my aunt's house, and also attempting to adhere to a Whole 30 diet. It turns out that Whole 30 is really difficult when you don't have a regular refrigerator to store healthful food in, and when you don't really have the money to buy the right foods in the first place, and when all the time you need for cooking said healthful food goes to packing and moving and working and not even enough sleeping.
But Whole 30, although I didn't go through with it completely, did help me out a lot. It broke some bad habits I had gotten back into, like eating a lot of sugar. It got me back in the habit of drinking tons of water. And it restored my healthy mindset.
The fact that I quit working at the vet was also a big help in my Whole 30 successes. I couldn't handle the constant onslaught of food every weekend. Also that job stressed me out so much (not the job itself. There were coworker situations that were beginning to make me crazy.), and food was comforting.
I have a problem. But we already knew that.
So being away from the weekend sabotage-tastic job, playing along with Whole 30 for three weeks, keeping myself too busy moving, and then trips to Houston and Africa ousted me out of my unhealthy backslidden routine of the past two years, and suddenly I'm feeling a little bit lighter.