Friday, June 22, 2012

A sneaky stalker

Inactivity: that beast which follows me around, seeking to conquer and destroy.

I don't mean beast in a good way, like when my friend Rey says with admiration, "Kate, you're a beast!" but in a scary monster sort of way, with sharp fangs, giant stomping feet, and a surprisingly agile spiky tail that will whip me in the face! Once you're in its clutches, that's pretty much it for you! Inactivity suddenly seems synonymous with the Jabberwocky. Stay away from me, please!

I'm having a hard time being motivated to get back to the gym right now. I feel the need to go, and I'm already sick of being this size 18 that I was so excited to be a few months ago. I've been here too long! My friend just gave me some new motivational pants that are size 12, and it's so crazy to think that I may actually be able to fit into those soon if I just get going! Part of me is like "WOOHOO!!! 12 is only three sizes away!! Let's DO THIS!!!" while another part of me is still stuck in the "I'm fat and always will be" mentality. Sometimes I think there's no way I will ever fit into those pants. Because I haven't been very disciplined in my exercise and eating recently, I have this irrational fear that I'm gonna wake up one morning and weigh over 300 pounds again. Then I weigh myself and see that the number hasn't increased even though I feel like it should have, and I calm down. I have to remember that even if I eat a crap ton of junk one day, I may gain a few pounds, but I won't automatically shoot back up to ginormokate weight. It's not even bad to indulge every once in a while, as long as I'm not eating like that all the time, like I used to.

Regardless of how I'm eating, there is no excuse for staying away from the gym, especially now that school is out and I'm not overly busy. So no matter what, I'm going back tomorrow. Elliptical machine, please go easy on me! You know, once I'm back on track with the exercise, the eating discipline should follow suit pretty quickly, because I don't like to undo any of the hard work I put in at the gym by making poor food choices.

Though I am mostly lamenting my current lack of motivation in this post, I would like to add a nice cheerful note and end it with a picture that makes me happy. Cheerful note first: this morning I was at my cousin's house, and her very-nearly-12-year-old daughter and I were standing with our arms around each other. I was struck with the realization that Abby's arms went around my waist with her hands clasped on the other side!! While that has been the case for a while now, stuff like that still makes me really happy!

I have reached the point where I actually LIKE side shots! I never would have thought that was possible!

It's time to push past this inactivity monster. I'll take some advice from Nike, and just do it.

Friday, June 1, 2012

Time Flies

I haven't written a post in an entire month. May came and went, and I lost all of three pounds and barely exercised at all. However, as long as I get at least a C on my math final, on Monday I will have my AA and be able to breath again. Or be out of breath again, as the case may be. Because I plan to hit the gym like a madwoman! And madwomen generally don't breath. Trust me! It's a fact I just made up!

The month of June brings a weight loss competition that I plan to win, not only for the lovely stack of presidential flashcards presented to the winner, but because my body is starting to feel fat to me again. It's strange, really, because I haven't gained anything, but it makes sense in my mind. You know how they always say, "Lose just ten percent of your body weight, and your health will improve, and your chances for Diabetes will go down drastically."?? Well, how long do those health benefits last? I have lost close to 35% of my body weight, but it has been a while since I've lost a good amount, so I think my body has just gotten used to this new level of weight, and this is now the new normal. And I still need to lose about 55 pounds. So now I'm sort of back at the beginning... "Lose just ten percent of your body weight, and your health will improve, and your chances for Diabetes will go down drastically." Sounds like a plan.

Ten percent of my body weight right now would be 21.5 pounds. That will be my goal for the month, but I'll be happy if I just reach the 100s again. Maybe I'm not strict enough with my goals, but I've come this far, right? So something's working. Maybe it's the lack of strict goals that works for me. Maybe I don't get along with strict goals. Maybe I want to punch strict goals in the face! Hint... I do.

Side note: I totally just poured water on myself because apparently I don't know how to drink out of a water bottle. Classy!

You know what's fantastic? When I started at Pierce College, I had to really squeeze into the desks and I was always uncomfortable and self-conscious about how I looked to those around me. Now, not only do I fit just fine in the desks, but I cross my legs underneath, which was physically impossible before! I'm almost a normal-sized person now!

So now that I will no longer be at Pierce College, I must take a moment of silence for the ginormostairs... That monstrous beast that was the initial kick in the butt I needed to get in shape. I will miss those stairs, and the burn in my buttocks and thighs as I neared the top every day. The feeling that my legs have turned to noodles will be missed. Or achieved in other ways. But I deeply appreciate the simplicity of the stairs and their contribution to my new health and happiness.


Thanks, stairs. None of this would have been possible without you.