Oh, wait. No. I'm shrinking.
At the beginning of December I was pretty upset over a guy. Instead of destroying all my progress and turning to the usual comfort of food, I went to my storage unit and got out THE DRESS. There's something totally therapeutic about wearing a beautiful dress. Especially when, the first time I wore that dress I looked like a giant disgusting lobster, but then I had it altered to wear later that year, and that time I looked like slightly less of a giant disgusting lobster, and now, I have to pull it as tightly as possible in the back and it's still big, and I pretty much just look awesome. I want to wear this dress every day. I'm not even kidding. Obviously not when I go out, but while I'm just hanging out around the house. While I wear it, I'm going to sing some songs from Enchanted and Snow White. I may even open the windows and beckon to the birds. If I had money, I would get it altered again, and again in another fifty pounds.
I love this dress so much! I think it has magical powers. It has always made me feel beautiful, even when I looked like this:
I felt even more beautiful this time:
And when I put it on at the beginning of the month, my biggest fear (being alone for the rest of my life) suddenly dissolved because I looked like this:
And I'm just getting smaller! Pretty soon the dress won't fit me at all! Does anybody need a bridesmaid? I need a new dress...