It turns out that I cope poorly with grief, and while dealing with the loss of my closest uncle last year, I gained 30 pounds. Previous to that, I had put 20 pounds back on when my life got ultra busy and I was working at a place that bombarded me with food and lured my inner glutton out of hiding every single weekend.
You can imagine how defeated I feel, losing almost half of the progress I made before. But if I sit around lamenting the current state of my body and wallowing in self-pity, nothing will ever improve. Instead of talking about how much better I used to feel and look, I'm gonna get up and take myself back to that place. If I lose a mere two pounds each week for the next 26 weeks until my wedding, I will be back at my lowest weight in the losing process. Then I'll have to have that dress altered to be quite a bit smaller.
Here are some things I realize that are different about me from the last time I weighed what I do now:
1) I actually really like myself.
2) I even like and appreciate my body, regardless of the fact that it's not in the shape I want it to be.
3) There is no pressure to change myself so that any guy will be attracted to me. I scored the best man while I was much fatter than I would like to be, and he's attracted to me even now.
4) I've lost weight before and I know what my body is capable of.
5) I know that I like to exercise and eat healthfully.
This time I believe that I deserve to look great. I know that I'm worth it. I don't feel bad putting myself first anymore. I am worthy of the love I have from Tim, and I am worth the effort it takes to get healthy again.
With those things in mind, there's nothing stopping me from conquering this new challenge.
And here are the pictures I'm using for my "before" pictures. Stay tuned for the journey!