Friday, February 1, 2013

On a roll... with lots of goals

I am in the best place right now: a place where I am in the habit of going to the gym almost daily, and feeling grossenstein if I don't go. I have become obsessed with weighing myself each morning, and I LOVE seeing the numbers go down. So much so, that I made a chart with a goal loss to follow. Yes, I am a nerd.

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As of this morning, I have re-lost 10.5 pounds of my Holiday fatfest weight. In two or three pounds, I will be back where I was for a majority of last year. The lowest weight I saw last year was 215, but I was only there momentarily, and I'll be back there in just a couple weeks. That's what I'm focusing on at the moment.

I have a lot of bigger goals, but if I think, "I still have to lose 65 pounds", I get a little overwhelmed. So I break it up. A smaller goal: to be under 200. Let's go for 197. I want to be there on April 7th, which is both the end of the competition I'm in AND my brother's birthday. How kind of me to give my brother a birthday gift of a healthier sister! I'm just thoughtful like that. But even that goal is a little bit too big for now. So my immediate goal is that lowest recent weight of 215, and I'm only ten pounds away. So instead of looking up and seeing a marathon looming ahead of me, I choose to focus on my feet taking ownership of the nearest elliptical.

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I have been wearing increasingly tighter clothes to the gym, and another goal is to feel totally confident in my body. Right now I am constantly aware of my stomach, which feels to me as if it occupies the space of a small army. When I catch a glimpse of myself, I realize that this comparison is not even close to being accurate, but I still have this lingering mindset of largeness. I have this need to know what I look like by comparing myself to like-sized individuals, because I literally can't see myself as I am. So I like to know what size people wear and how much they weigh. I have been known to ask a friend or two after someone walks by if I look smaller or bigger than that person. My reality has been skewed.

I got a new smaller and tighter workout shirt (thanks to my cousin Alex for the Target gift card that she gave me for Christmas):

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But when I pair it with super tight pants, a little part of me wants to hide. But it's good for me to face reality and be uncomfortable with the way I look, because it pushes me to change and fix it. It would be way too easy to just sit back and make the excuse that I'm happy with the amount I have lost and I know that I'm much healthier than I used to be. But I'm not done. Not even close. I want to be healthy, not just healthier than I was. I always think about my future: I want to be a hot wife someday, and a good example of health and exercise to my children. I want them to have to fight to keep up with me!

So here, I publicly display what I am uncomfortable with, to push myself forward.

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School starts next week, and the thing I am looking forward to the most is my soccer class!!!!! I miss playing SO MUCH, but I am also ecstatic about the workout I know I will be getting. I'm also a little afraid that I won't be able to keep up, but I'll face that when I get there. This is gonna be so good for me! And in the meantime, I am in love with my new soccer ball.

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  1. Good for you! I'm too shy to wear tight workout pants since I think my butt and thighs are too big. Maybe I should bite the bullet and do it just to motivate myself to change too! Good for you Katie!

  2. Miss KT- I am so proud of your accomplishments and staying focused on the goal! You look amazing. If it is any consolation to you, I have not seen you in at least a month and I can tell you have made some real strides cause you are so much smaller. Sometimes the weight won't come off but the inches are totally noticeable. BOOM girl! You keep going and know that I am cheering with my big ol preggo belly, while eating my homemade Greek yogurt bars. (Yep- I had to step away from the ice cream-it is starting to show)
    Love you and keep up the good work! <3

  3. We have the same work out shirt!!! :-D Also, you totally are inspiring me to go to the gym tonight. :-) I also have about 10 pounds to lose to get back down to lowest weight last year. Good job on keeping up the motivation!

  4. Amy, you should try it! Because fighting to feel good about how you look is a fight worth fighting, and one you'll want to win!!! I'm all about trying to push myself and find motivation wherever I can. Something else I've noticed is that we are our own biggest critics. How many other people are actually looking at your butt and thighs? They're probably worried about their own bodies.

    Chanda, it really has been a long time since we've seen each other. And if my plan keeps working, I will be even smaller when I see you at your shower next weekend! And you will be bigger, but that's only due to a little munchkin expanding within the confines of your uterus! Soon you will be back to being smaller than me, and giving me your hand me ups! :) Thanks for all the motivational clothes!!!!

    Bethany, we obviously both have exquisite taste in workout clothes, and in general! Get your butt to the gym!!! :)