Ready to fight

Nine years ago, when I completely changed my lifestyle and lost a bunch of weight, I swore I would never go back to the way things were before. I honestly believed that I wouldn't, but I was underestimating life. Grief and stress basically used me as bowling pins and continually knocked me over when I was just trying to stand there looking sleek and curvy, the same size as everyone else.

I just went back and read my entire blog. Every post. And while I enjoyed my humor and appreciated how far I've come in just knowing what's good for me and how to eat and the fact that running won't kill me (why was I SO terrified of running?), I noticed that for that last 6 years, I've barely written anything, and like I said in one of those past posts, if I'm not writing, I'm not doing well. Period.

I've known that I was unmotivated for the last 6 years, and I didn't care enough to do much about it. When I was on a weight loss show in 2016, and doing a cross fit challenge at the end of 2018, my heart wasn't there. I went through the programs, because I knew they would help and I was trying to force my mindset, but because I wasn't truly motivated, once they were over, I didn't stick to them. And I couldn't even muster the strength to care that much.

But now I'm 39, and Tim and I want babies, so I know I have to get my life in order and my butt in gear and do something about my health. We haven't gotten pregnant in the three years that we've been hoping we would, so I went to the doctor to figure stuff out, and to get my body to a place where it can carry a child. I'm scared it won't get there, and we want to adopt regardless as well, but while I plead with the Lord to give us babies, I have started to put the smack down (and the snacks down) and do everything in my power to make it possible.

Starting at the end of March, while the world began to isolate and it would have been really easy to stock up on candy and soda and pizza and ice cream, Tim and I committed to a 40-day sugar fast, and I am half proud, half unbelieving, and wholly grateful to say that we stuck it out and finished strong. Weirdly enough, I didn't even have any sugar cravings most of the time, because before we started I was just feeling so gross and done with junk food.

Coming out of the fast, we knew we had to have a plan in place, or we would just end up diving right back into our old habits, and neither of us wants to feel or be so sludgy and unhealthy again. So after some discussion, we agreed on an allowance of three items per week, which means that if we want a soda, that's an item. If we want a donut at church (once that becomes available again), we have to budget for that and have a maximum of two items between Monday and Saturday. Not only does this plan limit the amount of sugar we're putting in our bodies, it also makes us think about what items are actually worth it.

For example, I've never been a huge cake fan, but if it's there, I'll eat it. I don't want to have that mindset, because then "I'll just eat" everything. Where do you draw the line? On the other hand, while I do actually like water and don't mind drinking that most of the time (after my morning vat of iced coffee has been consumed), I really REEEEAAAALLLY love coke and root beer. So one of those bad boys is absolutely worth an item for me, and the limit on items causes me to take my time and actually enjoy the item I have chosen.

For whatever reason, while the eating has been under control for a while, I haven't been working out or even walking almost at all, and I can feel my body slowly turning into one of the White Witch's stone statues Tim and I are currently reading about in the Chronicles of Narnia. I know how dangerous this is, and yet: it remains difficult for me to put on the workout clothes and initiate some type of workout. A couple months ago, I came across a dance-based workout called Figure 8 with Jaana Kunitz, and it looked like so much fun that I bought it. I love dancing, and I need my workouts to be fun if I'm gonna stick with them.

But even with a fun workout, it took me months to start. I bought the workout (streaming from an app that you can play on your smart tv or your phone or tablet, along with the DVDs, in case anyone is interested and wants to go get the workout and do it along with me! Accountability is the best way to do everything, so join me! Buy the workout HERE) on April 5th, and just did Day 1 tonight. They give you an 8 week workout schedule and I am PLEDGING to finish the whole thing. Tomorrow I'm taking beginning body measurements and weight and pictures. For now, I'm just posting this picture of my red, post-exercise cheeks accentuated by this adorable kitten. In 8 weeks, I will be smaller, and he will be bigger. Can't wait for the side-by-side!

Saturation

I need to drink more water. I haven't been drinking enough anyway, but I'm even less likely to hydrate when the weather is cool. 

There are so many reasons to drink a ton of water, my favorites being that it flushes out my system and makes me feel healthier, and it makes me feel full so I don't eat as much. 

I've given myself a new rule at work on the weekends concerning beverages, because my not being a morning person leads me to drink a LOT of coffee. A lot. Like jumping around with eyes wide by the afternoon a lot. 

I can start with a cup of coffee, but I now have to drink a full 32 oz water bottle before each additional cup of coffee. 

I have had to pee a lot lately. 

Wanna bet???

I love finding a new challenge and any type of new motivation!  I need it!  The trick to losing weight successfully really is accountability and support.  Too many things out there try to sabotage the road to health, and it often seems that the world is out to get me.  Or at least America is.  Also Germany, because when I lived there for six months I gained about 30 pounds or so.  But my Germany days are long gone, and only America has access to me at the moment.  And America is full of high fructose corn syrup and fatty foods.  I don't ingest a lot of that stuff, so I have pretty much conquered the battle against that aspect, but America also has giant portions, which are not as easy for me to avoid or fight.  I need an officer from the portion control police to accompany me everywhere I go.  What?  The portion control police don't exist?  Oh yeah... because this is America, where bigger portions lead to bigger people, which leads to bigger health costs and bigger paychecks for the health industry!  Ooh!  I call conspiracy!

I defy this general lack of concern for health in America, although sometimes my defiance looks like compliance.  What???  I like food.  I have a weakness for deliciousness.  Self control is something I struggle with, and sometimes I do really well while other times I go all out in an epic fail.  Surrounding myself with people who support me and are willing to smack the jelly beans out of my hands are completely necessary and appreciated.  I cannot do this alone.  Yes, I'm doing it for myself, but I can't do it BY myself.

So imagine how excited I was last Tuesday night at church when my friend Krystin told me about DietBet, which is a website dedicated to weight loss games.  She told me specifically to join the one hosted by The Biggest Loser season 11 winners Hannah and Olivia, where the buy-in is $25.  Tons of people are joining because the hosts are celebrities, and the game starts today!!!  The challenge on all DietBet games is to lose 4% of your weight in 4 weeks.  Completely doable, with a realistic amount of effort!  At the end of the 4 weeks, everyone who lost 4% splits the pot.  Right now, the pot for this game is over $51,000!!!  So you can bet that I'll be busting my butt to not only hold onto my $25 that I put in for this game, but to take part in splitting other players' $25s that they will lose by not hitting the 4%!

We had to submit a photo as part of the weigh-in.  They don't post it anywhere, but here is mine:

I feel like I look pretty small compared to my old self, but also I look lumpy.  I mentioned this to my friend Erin, and she suggested that I do a body wrap.  Those tend to be expensive, so she sent me a link to a DIY home body wrap.  I'm curious... does anybody know much about that, and if home wraps would work?  The idea of becoming somewhat of a human burrito is interesting, if not completely appealing.  I'm up for whatever, though.


Will running rid my body of lumps?  I'm running another 5k in May (the COLOR RUN!!!!!) so I am doing more running to be more prepared for this one than I was for my first one.  I also need to increase my water intake.  I haven't been drinking nearly enough lately.  It's hard to remember to drink a lot when the weather is cool!

Time to go to the gym and kick off this DietBet challenge!  My abs aren't sore today, and I can't let THAT happen!